How To Retain A Great Nanny Long Term

A great nanny can become an extension of your family. Someone your children adore, someone you trust, and someone who brings stability and joy into your home. But finding the right nanny is often only half of the journey, and the real challenge is learning how to keep them, ideally forever!

At Kindred Nannies, we spoke with four experienced nannies who have all stayed in long-term roles. They shared what makes them feel valued, what can push them away, and what advice they’d give to parents who want a lasting, positive relationship with their nanny.

Why Retaining a Nanny Matters

When a nanny stays long-term, everyone benefits. Children thrive on consistency and secure attachments, and parents gain peace of mind knowing that their children are cared for by someone they trust, without the stress of constant turnover. From a practical perspective, it also saves families the time, energy, and cost of repeated recruitment.

Beyond that, the real reward of having a long-term nanny, is the bond and relationships that grow over time. The kind of relationship that makes a nanny attend a family's special milestones or keep in touch years after a role ends. One nanny told us she was even present for the home birth of her nanny family's third child! Another shared that she stayed living with the family for over a year after her role formally ended, a testament to the lasting connection they had built.

Common Themes That Keep Nannies in Their Roles

What became clear from every nanny we spoke with is that the best roles feel less like a job and more like a partnership. The strongest relationships were built on mutual respect, genuine connection, and an understanding that a nanny is both a professional and a person who becomes deeply involved in family life. Across our conversations, five themes stood out as the foundation of long-term retention.

1. Feeling Valued and Appreciated

Nannies told us again and again that feeling appreciated was the single biggest factor in why they stayed. Nannies thrive when families show appreciation in ways big and small. This can be as simple as saying “thank you” at the end of a long day, or as thoughtful as remembering birthdays and hobbies.

For one nanny, being introduced to her employers’ wider circle of friends and relatives made her feel like part of the family rather than just “the nanny”. Another recalled how her employers not only expressed gratitude, but often marked the end of the week with small celebratory gestures, which left her feeling truly valued. Families who take time to acknowledge the physical and emotional demands of nannying also send a powerful message that their care and effort do not go unnoticed. Even the simple act of not rushing out the door in the mornings, and taking a few minutes to chat before the day begins, helped nannies feel more connected and set a positive tone for the week.

In some cases, that appreciation was shown through practical gestures too, such as parents cooking meals ahead of the week so their nanny had an easier start on Mondays, or ensuring she had calm time in the mornings to ease into the day. These small touches made a big difference to how supported she felt.

2. Open Communication

Every nanny highlighted the importance of clear, ongoing communication. Families who share schedules, provide daily updates, or use a group chat create a sense of stability and trust. Just as important is the ability for nannies to raise concerns casually, rather than saving issues for formal “big talks” that can feel intimidating. When communication flows easily, it prevents misunderstandings and helps everyone stay aligned, a factor one nanny described as crucial to keeping her role positive and seamless.

Communication also creates consistency for children. When parents keep their nanny updated about plans or changes, children are less likely to be caught off guard, which keeps daily life running smoothly.

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3. Respect for Professionalism

Respect goes beyond politeness, it means recognising a nanny’s expertise and trusting them to make the right decisions for the children. Several nannies spoke about how meaningful it was when parents backed them up in front of the children, rather than undermining them. Others described the confidence that comes from being trusted to “parent” during their hours, knowing that any bigger issues would be discussed together later. Treating a nanny as a professional partner, someone whose input is welcomed and valued, creates a team dynamic that makes long-term collaboration possible.

4. Consistency and Flexibility

Nannies value households that balance clear routines with the flexibility to adapt when needed. Consistency provides security for children and makes day-to-day life run smoothly. At the same time, families who trust their nanny to adjust plans, like choosing rest over outings if the children are tired and burnt-out, create a supportive environment. The healthiest roles are built on give and take, where both sides are willing to adapt. As one nanny explained, she went the extra mile when needed, knowing her employers would do the same for her.

In some cases, flexibility was shown in practical ways too, such as parents adjusting hours to reflect changing school schedules or even making thoughtful accommodations for a nanny’s personal interests, like arranging for her bike to be shipped on a family holiday so she could continue her training whilst working with the family overseas. These gestures reinforced that the relationship worked both ways.

5. Integration with Children

Feeling truly part of the children’s world is another key to retention. Parents who teach their children to respect and appreciate their nanny reinforce the idea that they are a trusted adult, not a temporary helper. Children also notice when parents and nannies are aligned, which creates a sense of harmony in the household. In many cases, whether it’s music, humour or activities, it became the foundation for strong bonds between nannies, the children they care for, and parents.

Children are quick to observe how their parents treat their nanny, and several nannies shared how meaningful it was when children themselves expressed gratitude and excitement to see them. These moments often reflect the values parents have modelled at home.

It’s worth saying that there is no single formula for retaining a nanny. Not every family will do all of these things, nor should you feel pressured to. What matters is finding an approach that feels natural and sustainable for your household. These themes highlight what has worked well in some long-term roles, but ultimately, you know your family best.

Challenges That Can Push Nannies Away

Just as there are clear factors that encourage a nanny to stay, there are also circumstances that can make even the most dedicated caregiver reconsider a role. These challenges often aren’t about money, but about the emotional and relational environment in the home. Understanding them helps families avoid pitfalls and build a stronger, longer-lasting relationship with their nanny.

Lack of Support and Boundaries

Nannies value flexibility and understanding, especially when it comes to time off or occasional sick days. When families are rigid in this area, it can leave a nanny feeling undervalued and stretched thin. Another strain comes when parents undermine a nanny’s authority or dismiss their input, which erodes trust and confuses the children.

What parents can do instead: Be open to conversations about time off and back your nanny up in front of the children, it shows trust and reinforces a sense of teamwork.

Emotional and Relational Challenges

Nannying can sometimes be a very solitary role, especially when most of the day is spent with young children and little adult interaction. Over time, that can feel isolating if it is not acknowledged. Another challenge comes as children grow, when some nannies begin to wonder what their future looks like with the family. And perhaps most importantly, when a nanny is treated as “just the nanny” rather than a valued member of the household, it can be discouraging and even lead to burnout.

What parents can do instead: Make space for your nanny to feel included and appreciated, both in family life and in everyday conversation. A quick check-in, a thank-you, or showing interest in their life outside of work can make a big difference to their sense of connection and belonging.

Advice from Experienced Nannies

When asked what advice they would give to families hoping to build a long-term relationship with their nanny, the answers were surprisingly consistent. At the heart of it all is trust, communication, and partnership.

Trust your nanny’s judgment. Several nannies stressed how important it is to be given the autonomy to make decisions for the children day to day, with parents showing confidence in their instincts and experience.
Work as a team. Children thrive when they see their parents and nanny supporting one another and working from the same page.
Take the time to connect. Casual conversations, interest in your nanny’s life outside work, and showing appreciation in small ways help strengthen the relationship.
Look for the right fit. Just as parents are selective, nannies are too. The best roles are the ones where there is a genuine connection and a sense of shared values. One nanny described it as being “ a bit like dating - when the first is right, you simply know”
Be open and communicative. Small, ongoing conversations prevent bigger issues from building up and create a smoother, more trusting environment.

Closing Thoughts

Every family is unique, and there is no single formula for retaining a great nanny. What matters most is creating an environment of respect, appreciation, and trust where both children and caregivers can thrive. The strongest and longest-lasting roles are those where the nanny feels like part of the family while still being respected as a professional.

By making space for open communication, showing thoughtfulness, and working together as a team, families can build relationships with their nannies that last not just for years, but often well beyond the role itself.